Joker's Corner, brought to you by the GRA Crap Thread dept.

[Brian Thompson]

Right.

I need a laugh.

It's all been getting far too serious on here lately, what with one thing and another...

Anyone else up for some humour, a bit of light entertainment, you know, a laugh and a giggle, that sort of thing....?

Let's swap some jokes then!

It doesn't have to be about motorcycling (but all the better if it is!), but please let's keep it clean gentlemen (Mr Higgins...this means YOU! Still feels a bit weird calling you 'Mr' though....'spose I'll get used to it eventually...)

I fully expect this thread to fail monumentally of course, but I am used to it by now and at least the tablets help soothe the pain to my battered (as in fish and chips) ego, but at least when it falls silently down the rusty drain of life it will prove my suspicions that the hundreds and hundreds of views that my other pitiful attempts at humour (aka 'The Inevitable Caption Comps') have received have in fact been by me and Dave Higgins' pet whippet (Mr Snuggles) all along....Life can be cruel...

Still reading.....? (you mad fool you....!)

So, to begin the groan-fest and get the tumbleweeds rolling, here's a couple that are so awfull I can hardly beleive I'm typing them. You can post jokes that are actually funny as well, so come on chaps, don't be shy-let's share the love!


1. 'Mommy mommy....when I grow up I want to own a Greeves motorcycle!'

'But son....you can't do both.....!'



2. Mommy polar bear and baby polar bear are sitting on the ice one dark and frigid night, when baby polar bear says;

'Am I a real polar bear mommy?'

'Yes, of course you are!' she replies.

Baby bear says; 'Are you sure mommy? Could I be a grizzly bear instead?'

'No son, you are 100% polar bear.'

'But could I be a brown bear mommy?'

'No son, you are definitely 100% polar bear.'

'But mommy, could I be a Russian dancing bear?'

'No son, certainly not! You are 100% through and through polar bear! Why do you keep asking son....?'

'.......because I'm cold.....'



Over to you chaps.

I KNOW you can all do better than that.....!!!!

[dave higgins]

Heres one the Brian.
Two guys roaring down the road on a motorcycle, when the driver slowed up & pulled over, his leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, i can`t drive anymore with the wind hitting me in the chest like that, " just put the jacket on backwards," His friend advised.
They continued down the road, but around the next bend, they lost control & wiped out!
A nearby farmer came upon the accident & ran to call the police, they asked him, " are they showing any signs of life ", " well " the farmer explained, " the driver was, untill i turned his head around the right way " , ta da.

[Brian Thompson]

And we're off......way, way off.....! (in the ditch before we've even got started!)

Mr Higgins.

Nice!

That's just the sort of thing we need.

Did Mr Snuggles tell you that one....?!

Twanger.

[Brian Thompson]

And another.....

Q; What do you call a motorcyclist in a suit....?

A; The accused.

(Or....A; Mr Greeves, of course!)

[dave higgins]

One more.
An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiney new greeves, " where did you get such a nice bike? ", asked the first.
The secound engineer replied, " well i was walking along yesterday minding my own business, when a beautifull women rode up on the greeves. she threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms & said " take what you want ". the secound engineer nodded approvingly: " good choice ". the clothes probably wouldn`t have fit.........

[Brian Thompson]

Lucky boy!

I like that one.....!!!!!

[Brian Thompson]

One for the Quantum Mechanics......

If a 25DC was travelling at the speed of light, would the headlamp work...?

...and what's the speed of dark...?

(Steven Wright)

[dave higgins]

Great bit of philosophy there brian, but if no one else minds, i`ll just squeeze past & put this one in...

A man dies & appears at the pearly gates.
" Have you done anything of particular merit? have you exhibited courage? " st peter asks.
" Well, i can think of one thing, " the man offers.
"Once i came across a gang of bikers, who were bothering a young women.
I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn`t listen.
So i approached the largest & meanest looking one.
I smacked him on his head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring & threw it to the ground, and told him " now get outta here ".
St. peter was visably impressed, " when did this happen? "
" Just a few minuites ago. " ...

[johnrunnacles]

Old man (original Greeves enthusiast) at a job interview:

HR Manager: Well you do seem to be eminently qualified for the post. Now tell me, what would you consider to be your weaknesses?

Old man: Honesty.

HR Manager: But I don't think that honesty is a weakness.

Old man: I don't give a s**t what you think.

[Kim275]

Grfeeves Man's best friend

If you are ever in doubt as to who is Greeves man's best friend - your wife or your Dog?..................Try locking both in the garage for a week and see which one is pleased to see you when you open the door !!

[dave higgins]

Thanks john & kim, great jokes.......
At a renound speed trap location for motorcyclists on the mad mile, a copper waves a young biker in, & starts giving the lad a ticket.
" I`ve been waiting here all day for you sonny, "
"Well i got here as fast as i could," chirped the lad.....

[johnrunnacles]

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors.

'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little Paper bag.

'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows,
Come back and see me in a couple of days.'

The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.
'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag.

'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor.

'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' Said the little paper bag.

'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor.

'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Well have you been sharing needles with other Intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor.

'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a Jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor.

'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual Relationship?'

'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm Just a little paper bag!'

'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor

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This is good - wait for it .... .... .... ....... ....















'Your mother must have been a carrier'

[Brian Thompson]

It can only get worse.....

Hi John, Kim, Dave,

Thanks for joining in guys, and for the cracking contributions!

Here's another one then;

A police officer pulls over two nuns riding a Greeves, and says to the rider "Ma'am you're driving much too slowly, could you please drive faster?"

The nun says, "Oh, I saw the sign for 21 and assumed the speed limit was 21 mph." The police officer explains: "No Ma'am, the speed limit is 60mph, and this road is called the A21."

Then the police officer looks at the nun riding pillion and sees she is shaking like a leaf. He asks the rider "Excuse me sister, but what's wrong with your passenger?" "Oh, that's probably because we just came off the B202...."

Brian.

[greeves246]

sleigh ride ?

funny video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z80ulDtRv1w

[Brian Thompson]

Yep, reckon he did....!

Ha!!!!

Nice one Gary, thanks for starting my day off with a good laugh!

They can't say you didn't try to warn 'em about those pesky 'lager splines' though...!

Brian.